im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
