Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Naked. naked and bneed help.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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