I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
