How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize