my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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