How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
