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I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
