It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Vodka?
Forever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
