I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
