the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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