can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
