Can i not drive my cunt home
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
