RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
