Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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