You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
