I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
