Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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