you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
