I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just pee around me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
