My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize