His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
