I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
