apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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