Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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