im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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