no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
