So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
