is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
