I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
