3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
