I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
