i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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