so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
