I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
