she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Come on in and take your pants off
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