this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
