I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
