when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
