Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
