We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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