That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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