i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
