his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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