Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
