your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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