Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
