Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
