I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
