yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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