And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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