Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
