I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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