i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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