I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
