I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
