My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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