I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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