that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
