and you said cock pushups were impossible
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
