hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
