whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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