If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize