Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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