I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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