that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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