A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
